To believe (verb)
To wander a path that was handed down to you and hope you are travelling in the right direction.
To hope you are not getting lost because, does everyone have to walk this path with eyes closed?
To speak and act as though something is true, even though, you don’t necessarily think it makes sense. Even though your mind and heart are always unsure.
To learn to create a metaphor out of your life. To set aside the black and white expectations of what you thought you would be, what you thought you would feel like.
To have the mind, the heart, the limbic system of an atheist, but the soul of a believer.
To ask rather than tell. To ask for the eyes to see, the ears to hear what is true and what is good.
To trust in things outside of yourself. To understand the extent your own finitude, your own nearsightedness.
To accept some ambiguity. To ask questions.
Is this what they call “blind faith,” and is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it right or is it wrong?
Is this belief, or is it a lack of bravery? Am I a child holding onto pebbles because I was told they were gold?
To live with these questions and so many more questions, yet also without anger, without demands, without arrogance.
To open white-knuckled hands and let things be as they are, not trying to fix them or hold onto them or explain them. Just to let them be, and to continue the best you can.
To wait and hope.
“Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”